The Bachelor

Last week Brad Pit reiterated that he would not marry Angelina until gays were allowed to legally marry in every state in the US. BRILLIANT! And we thought this guy was a dolt. Every guy who wants to stay a bachelor should be taking note -- and what liberal chick is not just going to eat this stuff up? Just insert your/her favorite cause into the ultimatum, and you are golden.

"Uh, dear...I'm not going to marry you until every baby seal on the planet is saved." Not only will she be OK with it, but she will admire you for not marrying her. She would tell her friends, "Oh, he's so sweet. He refused to marry me. I just love him."

Other "worthwhile" causes: every tree in North America is hugged, cars run on sunlight and not one single carbon-burning vehicle is left, poverty is erased from our planet, no more wars. Think of your own, it's pretty simple.